Walking Through My Old Neighborhood

Last night's dream was set back in San Jose, California, where I lived for a large chunk of my life.

In the dream, Robert and I were trying to walk home (to my old home), and we had all four of our youngest children with us (Gabriella, Isabella, Connor and Cameron). Cameron was in a stroller. We were many miles away from the home we were trying to get to. Normally on walks, Robert would lead the way, but because I was the only one of us familiar with where we were, I was leading us.

Some of the roads were new, and it seemed to take us a lot longer to get anywhere than it should have. At one point, just before we turned the wrong way, I realized that I had been steering us toward the wrong former residence of mine and needed to correct our direction for the more recently lived in one.

The kids were tired but mostly well behaved. It was hot and sunny out. When we were getting close to our destination, we had to cut through a factory. In the factory, the children all found cushions and started playing with them by hitting each other with them and having a pillow fight. The factory workers thought it was cute and told the kids that they could each keep one cushion of their choice to take with them. All of them chose character cushions that featured their favorite Disney characters.

As we left the factory, we were finally on the road that would lead straight to the house we were wanting to get to. That's when I woke up.

Tantrums & Adoptions

Despite the fact that I have not been able to remember most of my dreams lately past a few minutes after I wake up, I remembered my dream last night. As usual, the dream was very strange.

In my dream, my three year old son Connor was misbehaving and throwing a little tantrum while we were out shopping. He accidentally hit a man in a suit who was standing near us. No harm was done as he is only three and he wasn't hitting forcefully anyway; he was just preoccupied with his tantrum and hadn't noticed that there was a man standing near him.

But the man was not satisfied with my scolding Connor. He pressed charges! And we had to go to court. The courts decided that Connor was not getting the discipline he needed at home and it was ordered that he be put into a group home.

Everyone, including his dad, were resigned to this fate. The courts had decided and there was nothing we could do, seemed to be the general idea. But no way was I letting ANYONE take my baby away from me, especially not in his formative years! I was furious with how ridiculous the whole situation was and how stupid the courts were being, and I was ready for war.

I don't know how that dream ended because the next thing I knew, I was in another dream.

In this dream, my childhood friend Caryn came to visit me. She was outside in the car and I went out to help her get her things. I expected her two boys to be in the car with her, but instead there were two beautiful little twin five year old girls in the back seat. Caryn explained to me that she and her husband were fostering them and hoped to someday adopt the two little girls.

After her visit, Robert and I started discussing adopting a child. We called social services and they were quick to bring us two sisters. The girls were about two and four years old, and their hair fell in the most beautiful red ringlets. They each had a tiny smattering of freckles across their noses, and I was smitten with them immediately.

I woke up at that point in the dream.

Danger On The Ice

Last night, I dreamed that I was ice skating on a lake. My kids and husband were ice skating too. There were a lot of other families ice skating on the lake.

In the middle of the ice, there was some loose snow which made it difficult for anyone to skate through the middle. I used the edge of the blades on my ice skates and started to scrape away the snow to make the ice smoother for skating on.

Others noticed what I was doing and came to do the same. I told them to do it gently so that they didn't damage the ice. When it was fairly smooth, the people who'd been helping went back to skating, except for one little girl and her dad who were still standing near me in the middle. Isabella, my 4 year old, was beside me as well.

At about this time, I noticed a bubble of water come up from the center of the ice right beside where we were standing, and I heard a loud creaking noise. With dawning horror, I realized what was happening.

"Get away from the center!" I shouted, "The ice is breaking!" and I grabbed Isabella and pulled her away towards the edge of the iced over lake where it was safer. The man who'd been out there with me with his little girl turned up right beside me again, but his little girl wasn't with him. She was about Isabella's age.

I looked to the center of the lake with horror. The little girl was standing there, looking down at the spreading water as the ice broke and sank and the water came ever closer to her. I knew I'd never be able to get to her in time, and her dad was looking her way as well. He looked distraut and he was shouting to her to run to him, but he hadn't moved towards her. I couldn't figure out why he was just standing there. Was he worried about breaking the ice with his weight? It didn't matter because the ice was breaking all around her anyway.

There were some trees beside the lake that were sick and had been slated for destruction. They had a rope barrier put up around them. I loosened the rope and tied it around myself, leaving an extra length on the opposite side for tying around the little girl. I yelled at her dad to grab the long end of it to pull us out if needed. If I fell in, I knew hypothermia would set in fast.

I looked up to where the little girl stood. I blinked and she disappeared. No one else had yet seen that she had fallen in. As long as she didn't drift from where she'd fallen, I knew where I'd find her, but she didn't have much time, even less because I couldn't even see any struggle. Just one minute she was there, and the next she was gone.

I ran out to where I'd last seen her, heedless of the creaks and cracking of the ice that I could hear and feel under my feet. I got to the edge of the ice and I could see her floating face down, lifeless. I didn't think she been under long enough for permanent damage, but I needed to get her out right away.

She was too far from the edge for me to reach her. I knew I was going to have to go into the water. I couldnt' be sure that her dad would pull us out. Although he still held the end of the rope, he just stood where he was, looking stunned and useless. But I couldn't leave her to die. Maybe I could be quick enough that the hypothermia wouldn't get to me before I had pulled her out.

I jumped into the water and instantly felt the cold seeping into every pore, wrapping my bones in it's icy coldness. I swam towards the little girl. Her hair was fanned out around her in the water. Her little pink coat was soggy and dragging her down. I wrapped my arms around her. I wanted to tie the loose bit of rope around her, but I couldn't get my chilled fingers to work properly, so I just wrapped my arms around her, lifting her head above the water and hoped that my strength would hold long enough.

I felt the rope pulling us faster towards the edge of the ice, and looked to see Robert helping the father pull the rope in. He'd been at the other end of the lake with our other kids, but must have seen what was happening and come to help. When I felt the edge of the ice, I wearily pushed her little body up onto it and pulled myself up after her.

Robert was now walking carefully (so as not to break any more of the ice) over to us, but I knew she didn't have time. Despite my exhaustion, I stood up on wobbly legs and gently lifted her limp body into my arms. With each step, I seemed to feel the strength returning to my legs and soon I was walking at a very quick pace towards the paramedics and the ambulance that were parked near the lake.

The paramedics rushed over to take her from me, and I felt that she would be okay, but I never found out because, as Robert approached me and wrapped his arms around me in a great big hug, that is when I woke up.

Disjointed Dream Memory

I guess I went to bed worrying about my weight (again) and about how my kids and I were going to get to town this morning. We planned on walking, but I knew it might be difficult for the younger kids and I was a little worried that we wouldn't make it to our appointment on time.

The reason I know these things were on my mind when I went to bed last night is because my dream, what little I can remember of it, was all about those things. In the dream, Robert had made more cupcakes and different family members kept offering them to me. I had to keep turning down the cupcakes offered, even though I really wanted one, because I knew how much I wanted to reach my goal weight this week.

And then I was trying to get the kids ready to go to our appointment in town, and they kept messing up their hair after I'd brushed it so that I would have to brush it again. I would change the baby's diaper and then he'd poo in it again, so I would have to change him again. After lots of interruptions and things keeping me from getting everyone ready, we finally went out, with the double stroller and the single stroller in use so that the three youngest would not have to get too tired walking, and then before we even got to the gate at the end of our driveway, my 7 year old daughter was saying, "Mommy, my legs are tired!"

Oddly enough, my day actually was a little bit like I dreamed it, only I had to turn down cake and McDonald's. And we were late to the appointment, but not by much.